Rumours of ‘Carrot Slicing’ Revolution game to become reality?

Hideki Konno, lead designer of the revolutionary Nintendogs and Nintendo staple Mario Kart, is playing around with the idea of making a cooking game for the Revolution console.

“We have this game with a big wok that you use to cook Chinese food and it’s really interesting to have the meat and vegetables frying in there and use the controller to flip the food around without it spilling out of the pan,” he told Chris Kohler.

Sources [1], [2], [3]

I could make this shit up, but it seems I don’t even have to try.

Some self analysis

So, for reasons I don’t particularly feel like going into, I had a fairly interesting weekend. Let’s just say I got a little mental workout and some late nights. Sometimes things happen and, even when you’ve told yourself you’re finished with them, they linger around your psyche for a while. When this happens I tend to reflect and make an attempt to understand what’s going on – almost like I’m trying to communicate with that big chunk of our brain that we don’t use. It’s like it’s got the answer to something about me and I have to prod it a bit for it to give me some hints. I’ve done this to myself a number of times in the past and I’ve always learned some important things – and in some cases, made some life-changing decisions.

To anyone that knows me online and has encountered me on gaming forums they probably know I’m quite a ‘take no prisoners’ guy, really stubborn and often come accross as a grumpy old man. My demeanour on instant messengers and in person tends to surprise people that only know me from forums as I’m fairly mellow and good natured (with dashes of seething rage thrown in on occasions).

So why are you such a grumpy sod on forums then Koffdrop?

Good question. The short answer is that, by the time I’ve read the whole topic in question and ready to make a reply I’m angry with all the dumb stuff that I’ve read in it. I don’t frequent gaming forums as much as I used to (understatement of the year) so I normally have a lot more to catch up when I eventually meander over and read a topic that catches my eye. Now, I try to make a point of reading an entire topic before I respond to it – I think it’s good manners and also saves you from possibly making a prat of yourself by making an ignorant reply. I also don’t think it’s worth my time or of any value to a conversation if all I can really say is “I agree”. If I agree, I just move on to another topic. So it’s only when I have an alternative view that I respond – and I only respond when I’ve caught up on all the stuff in the topic. I guess you could liken it to taking a bottle of fizzy drink, shaking it more and more with each post I read and when I hit REPLY that’s the equivalent of unscrewing the cap – my vitriol gushes forth almost uncontrollably.

There’s a number of ways to deal with this. One is to only hang around the game forums that don’t have ‘dumb’ posters and topics. That, my friends, is easier said than done. There are only two gaming forums that I have seen in all my travels that have what I consider to be a decent level of maturity and insight . One got stained quite badly a few months back and, to me, has never fully recoverd. The other is so damn good that, frankly, I’m not worthy of making any posts there as I’m way out of my depth. The forum tends to be populated by game journalists and industry professionals. It’s a fascinating place to read and, like some secret garden, I don’t want to share it with many people in case it all goes south. Needless to say the feeling I get when reading the posts on that site is one of awe and inferiority rather than anger.

An alternate way of dealing with my ‘problem’ is to withdraw from forums altogether. This is the tactic I employ with a pretty high rate of success. The nature of websites these days is that it’s very difficult to read gaming news or culture commentary without also finding a shedload of comments underneath the article – which drags me perilously close to square one. There is no way in hell that I’m going to withdraw from the internet completely. I’m way too opinionated, love my downloads and love my gaming news too much to do that.

Of course, in my ideal world, there would be no dumb comments. Somehow I don’t think this is going to happen. Whilst I can police my own behaviour and make a change, I simply can’t do that for the rest of the online population – no matter how tempting the idea is. My problem lies in that I’ve spent some time in the magic circle that is the games industry and have even lived there for quite a few years. It’s a double edged sword. Whilst you may know how the magician does his tricks the knowledge you’ve gained means you’ll never enjoy those tricks the way you did before. Likewise, whenever you overhear non-magicians claiming to ‘know’ how or why this or that is done you can’t help but realise how far away from the truth of the matter they really are. Of course, it’s pretty insulting for a non magician to tell a magician to shut the hell up when he’s attempting to explain how and why some magic tricks work. It’s even more insulting for other non-magicians to support each other in approval of this dismissive behaviour with phrases like “pwned”

But that’s the internet for you – anyone can tell anyone else to shut the hell up.

Which is why it’s great to have your own site and commentary where you can say whatever you damn well please and not have to deal with feedback unless you want to. 🙂

Quote of the week

“The only time I play is maybe the 20 minutes I spend testing rivals’ new machines, I don’t play video games in my free time. On the weekends, I fix things around the house, garden, or play the guitar. Or I’ll exercise, go swimming, take the dog for a walk, or go for a hike.”

???

Have a look at this

A couple of articles at Next Generation online make for some very interesting reading about the industry and what some of it’s most talented icons think about it.

Analysis: What That Deal Really Means
The Bioware / Pandemic / Elevation deal and what it means from the people involved.

I have bags of respect for Bioware and Pandemic. Their reputations are outstanding and their mentality and track record set a precedent that others can only dream of. Their plans benefit gamers as much as themselves.

Spector Slams “Insane” Costs
At the Montreal International Game Summit, Warren Spector has pleaded for more creativity and risk taking in game design while lamenting the high costs of making games.

When this man talks, you should listen. His talent and experience are simply unequalled and it’s nice to see the guy still retains a sense of humour.

I also find it interesting to get such earnest and relevant feedback on the industry from such knowledgeable and influential characters. Whilst a soundbite from Miyamoto is mana from heaven for your typical games journalist the guy doesn’t seem willing (or is not allowed) to get his hands on really earthy issues like these guys do.

Massive credit to Next Generation Online. Awesome stuff!

Dumb and Dumber

In the same way that you know picking a healing scab is wrong yet you still go ahead and do it, defying your own common sense and all those things your mother told you, I had a moment of weakness I recently dipped my toe back into the frothy waters of internet forums. I think it’s turned septic.

I left forums some time back for a number of reasons. One of the reasons was that I was tired of attempting to explain myself to an audience that was absolutely determined not to get the point. Usually, I was pointing out holes in their arguments or errors in their way of thinking or presenting themselves. So long as the audience persists in acting as though they don’t understand what I’m talking about they can comfortably convince themselves that they are free of criticism. It amounts to those simple magic tricks that depend on misdirection and distraction than genuine skill. Psychologists see this behaviour a great deal and it’s summed up by stating that until the individual admits there’s a need to change then they’ll never change. Typically, a person would speak to a psychologist and explain how the world doesn’t understand them. The psychologist will explain that the world is as it is – if things are to improve it’s the person who must change, not the rest of the world. I am, of course, over generalising the situation but, hey, I’m trying to make a point.

My recent contributions to a particular forum topic have left me feeling as if I’ve personally re-lived a scene from a certain movie:

Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together?

Mary: Not good.

Lloyd: Not good like one in a hundred?

Mary: I’d say more like one in a million.

Lloyd: ……….So you’re telling me there’s a chance?

The scene is funny because, we, the audience are smarter than Lloyd and we can both laugh at his idiocy and empathise with his misplaced optimism. At the end of the day though, the poor sap just isn’t getting the point because his desire to believe something eclipses his grip on the facts of the situation.

I like that movie. It’s dumb fun. But I wouldn’t want to LIVE that movie and I certainly wouldn’t want to live out that scene ten times a day for weeks on end. It’d exasperate me to the point where I’d have to switch off and never watch the movie again. Fortunately for me, I switched off in time for me to keep my sanity and leave the Harry and Lloyds of the internet doing stuff like this:

Lloyd: You’re it.

Harry: You’re it.

Lloyd: You’re it, quitsies!

Harry: Anti-quitsies, you’re it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!

Lloyd: You can’t do that!

Harry: Can too!

Lloyd: Cannot, stamp it!

Harry: Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!

Lloyd: Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.

Harry: No, you can’t do that… you can’t triple stamp a double stamp, you can’t triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!

Lloyd: [hands over ears] LA LA LA LA LA LA!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not against humour. I even enjoy watching some slapstick. But I don’t want to swim in a sea of idiocy. It’s a shame as the forum I refer to does have a great sense of commnity. Unfortunately it just comes accross me now as a really well organised clown convention. I’m sure it’s fantastic fun if clowns are your thing. If you can’t get enough of flowers that squirt water and garish characters tripping up over their own feet then I’m sure it’d be your idea of Nirvana. The thing is, I don’t find clowns funny any more – maybe when I was 6, but not now.

Also, I realised that clowns have no sense of humour. You ever tried to tell a clown that they’re not funny? It just doesn’t register. How dumb can you get?

Koffdrop’s continuing adventures in objectivity

WARNING: This is a post about Nintendo. That is all.

So, there’s a few things that are still floating around my head with regards to Nintendo, Revolution (or whatever it will now be named) and, of course, gamers. Firstly, let me talk to you about a concern I have that includes all three of those topics.

Imagine it’s 50 years ago and you own a black and white TV. You read in the paper that a revolution is coming – COLOUR is on its way to TV. “Amazing!”. You’re excited, you talk to your TV-watching friends. Your friends are excited. The potential is huge! There is endless talk of how shows will look and you all decide that you simply can’t wait to watch all your old black and white programs on your colour TV.

Hang about. What’s the point of thinking in black and white? You should be thinking in colour! Right?

So why are gamers thinking in black and white? Those staunch supporters of the Revolution, those gamers who’ve neither seen it with their own eyes nor held it’s controller yet somehow KNOW the future it will have – those gamers typically back up their statements with how Nintendo’s machine with become the best platform for first person shooters (FPS). Explanations spew forth on how the controller will behave and entire control schemes are devised to demonstrate how, say, Half Life 2, might be easily controlled via the Nintendo remote. The problem is that, they’re so caught up in this train of thought they’re unaware of the fatal error they make: they’re thinking in black and white.

You cannot justify a forthcoming revolution by demonstrating how it will repeat recent history.

If Revolution supporters are arguing their case by stating how gaming will go into new and unexplored territory then what is the point discussing decades old games? An FPS on the Revolution amounts to nothing more than an FPS with a tweaked control scheme. A revolution? Hardly.

“Look at my great new TV – its got a huge screen, its got remote control!”
“Yeah, but all the programs you watch are still in black and white”

Here’s a challenge to Revolution supporters – don’t tell me how I can play my old style games on this box of tricks. Doing so does nothing to convince me it’s a better product than anything already on the market. Insisting that it is by showcasing how old ideas can be tweaked just demonstrates how easily you miss the point of this being a revolution, of being new, of being different. But to convince me, you’re going to have to make me imagine something I’ve not imagined before. You’re going to have to work hard at that. You’re actually going to have to think.

This isn’t a criticism of Nintendo – this is a criticism of unthinking Nintendo loyalists. The best way you can prove me wrong is to rise to the challenge. Don’t take the most obvious, easy route. Show me what you’re made of.

Recently, there’s been some less-than-glowing feedback of the Revolution from some fairly large players in the industry. Mark Rein, VP of Epic and chief salesman of Unreal technology gave a pretty damning statement against the machine. I have no doubt that some of his attitude is coloured due to his business with Sony and Microsoft. At the same time, I’m not prepared to dismiss him as a ‘moron’ as so many gamers suddenly have. Unreal engine technology, whilst not necessarily exciting for you as a user of the end product is pretty damn important. It’s middleware and, with today’s lengthy projects and expanding costs, middleware is absolutely crucial to 80% of game development. Leading techonolgy middleware such as Unreal Engine is often developed in conjunction with hardware technology. Epic speak to Nvidia, they share technology, the exploit each other’s knowledge. Mark Rein isn’t some kid who wrote a couple of games in SEUCK. This is a guy who understands the correlation of software to hardware development – particularly in the field of emerging technology. I do believe there is some personal interest and political bias in his statement but his words should not be dismissed just because they don’t sit happily with gamers.

Just as significantly, a news article has reported that THQ, a successful third party developer with enough weight to garner some fairly major licenced properties, has suggested that 20% of their development resources will be directed towards Revolution development. Now, on the surface, this seems to be pretty bad news. On the whole I’d say it’s fairly generous. Consider the three current gen systems. Does Gamecube represent 20% of the Western market? Absolutely not. Whilst 20% is clearly less than one third, it’s considerably more than Nintendo might be worth on a strict development-to-sales ratio. In essence, it’s a reflection of Gamecube’s performance and THQ’s faith in Nintendo. Some feedback has suggested “well, they don’t need as many resources as the Revolution will be based on Gamecube development kit and will be easier to program for than the PS3 or X360”. Whilst I can’t dismiss the comments about that challenges of developing for PS3 hardware I utterly dismiss a gamer talking about how easy or complex game development might be. Sounds harsh, I know, but gamer’s can’t even grasp how much they don’t know – let alone accept they’re ignorant.

Nintendo said well before the Revolution was anything other than vapourware that they expected little in the way of third-party support. This was presented as a positive statement. That Nintendo could handle the demands of developing for their new console but they thought third parties wouldn’t be up to the challenge. Apart from the arrogance and conceit of such a statement it is hype, spin and bullshit. Third parties are, in essence, parasites. The attach themselves to the platform that’ll garner the best return for their investment. That’s not a criticism, that’s how it is. Now, if your platform has the smallest market share and least retail exposure then it’s likely that third parties won’t see you as attractive as, say, Sony. If you care to add being arrogant and stubborn as a company into the mix, the deal looks even less attractive. Additionally, if you release a statement that suggests that thrid parties aren’t as capable as you (whilst hiding the fact that you treat them pretty badly) then it’s only going to sour the deal even further.

Saying something and doing something else cuts both ways – this shouldn’t be forgotten. If Nintendo are going to suggest lacklustre third party support is down to Nintendo being too cool or radical instead of, basically, being a bitch to work with and not very rewarding then you can expect a similar mentality back. There’s been a wave of well publicised feedback from third party developers that have been presented on sites like IGN and subsequently pimped accross Nintendo forums as some proof of vapourware superiority. Sure. It’s nice when people say nice things about you. But it doesn’t cost anything to say something. As with the N64 and the Gamecube – we’re seeing lots of praise. Are we going to see lots of product? Will history repeat itself? It’s too early to tell. But I’m already hearing of disgruntled developers being dictated to by Nintendo about the sort of content they’ll have to include in their products to show off the Revolution’s controller. It’s seems like a lot of hard work for a very uncertain reward.

So, may ever-present challenge to gamers is to think more. Don’t assume an industry veteran is a moron because he said something you don’t like. Don’t dilute your arguments by confusing tweaks with originality. Don’t take your wishful thinking as gospel and for God’s sake, don’t EVER use sales stats or system specs in your argument unless you’re a business analyst or a programmer.

On a lighter note and as a reward for those of you who read this far I can tell you that the image at the start of this post is concept art for Super Mario Strikers. Looks suspiciously chav’d up to me.

The importance of being new

Isn’t it nice when you feel that a company is bending over backward to be nice to you?

Obviously, it doesn’t happen very often but it’s worth noting the times when it does: My mobile phone tariff is with 02, my service provider was Singlepoint. I didn’t have issues with either of them. Recently Vodafone bought Singlepoint and I became a customer in limbo. I would try to resolve a query with 02 and they’d direct me to Vodafone. Vodafone would direct me to 02. I felt very much unloved and like an outcast.

So I gathered some bills together and checked what I’d be paying, checked Voda’s tariffs and took my service off O2 and got the equivalent package with Vodafone. Now I’m no longer sitting on the fence and they kissed my feet and offered me this and that and lots of other tempting and shiny things that they didn’t need to. One of those shiny things is my new handset – the Sony w800i. Now, I’m not exactly out of touch with technology but this thing is NEAT. I’m very happy to have a $400+ phone given to me for free. Now, I just need to dig up all my great old game MP3s and load them into the phone’s 512mb memory and GEEK OUT!

Sony invites you to design games

I’ll let the Eurogamer article do most of the talking:

Sony is inviting both amateurs and professionals to submit game ideas for the PS2, PSP and PS3. The winner will receive acess to a studio and development team, project funds and living expenses, and of course the unparalleled joy of seeing their very own game on shop shelves.

This isn’t the first time Sony has run such a competition – previous winners include the creators of Devil Dice, Bombtastic and Doko Demo Issho. But it is the first time entrants have been invited to submit ideas for PSP and PS3, rather excitingly.

Fancy giving it a shot? Well you’ll have to wait until November 15, since that’s when the ‘Let’s Play a Game’ competition website will launch, via which you’ll be able to send in your application. The closing date for entries will be some time in February 2006. It’s not yet known whether Jack Thompson will be entering.

This kind of competition has occured before. Most recently I recall the BBC inviting people to submit simple game concepts that would be turned into a brief Shockwave Flash game. I was an active member of a gaming forum at the time and I let people know about that competition. The response was very interesting – nearly everyone decided it wasn’t worth their effort.

I’ve already seen some feedback to Sony’s invite and it echoes the “not worth my time”, “they’ll just steal my ideas” attitude that I saw before. I’ve also seen comments to the tune of “Hah! Sony have no talent so they’re doing this!” from your typical forum troll. Yes, of course there’s going to be conditions about what control and finance Sony have based around the winning entry. The winner won’t turn into Miyamoto or Will Wright overnight and they won’t be made an instant millionnaire. On the other hand, for those genuinely interested into getting into the games industry or seeing the development process from game concept to final product, it’s a prize that you simply can’t put a monetary value on.

People rarely appreciate just how difficult any creative process is. I tend to think of their behaviour in ‘before and after’ terms. Let’s say that GAME X is going to get a sequel. People can speculate as to the features and they can look forward to its release. Often, when GAME X: The Sequel appears a wave of criticsm will come from gamers who will say what a bad idea some new feature was or how they’ve changed an existing feature too far from the original. This sort of thing is human nature, I’ll concede to that. It’s very easy to criticise something when someone else has thought of it – it’s much harder having the idea in the first place.

To anyone who has ever criticised a game by saying “This is bad” I would encourage them to think further. Why not have *constructive* criticism? Why not say “This is bad, it would be better if…”? It’s a great deal harder to do, it requires more effort and more consideration. It’s easy to criticise, it’s harder to give constructive criticism, it’s hardest to come up with all the ideas in the first place.

By having a stab at the creative process yourself I can guarantee you’ll learn a lot. At the very least, you’ll have a better appreciation of just how difficult it is to create something new. This doesn’t apply to videogames alone. Music, poetry, fiction, websites, news reporting and plenty more are all things we may take for granted as a viewer or listener. We probably criticise them without even knowing it. The instant you try to create a website or a short story you’ll start to understand and appreciate the work that goes into them.

So, if you’re one of those critical gamers, I urge you to have a stab at this. What’s the worst that can happen?

Trueplayerz – Update

My holidays are ending and so I return to the keyboard. I’ve just come back from spending the day in London at the Trueplayerz event hosted by Joystick Junkies.

In truth, I went with no intention of participating in any tournaments. The main attraction was to meet up with a handful of individuals with whom I’ve spent a fair amount of time chatting about games and such. They were all absolute stars and I’m genuinely thrilled to have met them in the flesh and spent some time with them in person.

The event itself seemed fairly decent. Huge projection screens running the tournament games such as Burnout Revenge, Halo 2, Capcom Fighting Jam and Fifa 2006 and plenty of game-pods provided by EA to allow pretty much everyone with the chance to have a go on a game of a slightly wider range. Being held in a club there were few seats, a bar (selling drinks at premium London prices) and a constant rumble of bass noise coming from *somewhere*. The organisation of the event was a little haphazard but it’s something I’m sure will get tighter in future events.

The girls from the PMS gaming clan were there in force and looking great but, I’m sorry to say, you young male gamers totally justified your image problem today. A knockout combination of hoodies, bad skin and lacklustre facial hair just doesn’t do you any favours at all. I may be an old grandpa of gaming at 32 and perhaps I’m just out of touch with the kids but there’s a lot that can be put right with a razor, soap and water – scruffy just ain’t nice!

Sooner or later the Trueplayerz website will have photos of today’s event and you can judge for yourselves.

Regardless, good gamesmanship, a generally good attitude of friendly competition and everything being done for a good cause. Trueplayerz, give yourself a pat on the back.

How to avoid looking stupid

Before you accuse one person or company of copying another – make sure you know who had the idea in the first place.

PREDICTION: As Ubisoft announce their plans to launch Dogz on to the GBA it’s clear that they’re capitalizing on the immense popularity of the DS’s Nintendogs. Nintendo loyalists across the globe will berate the cheap tactics of Ubisoft and their blatant disregard for Nintendo innovation.

It is worth remembering, of course, that were it not for the original Dogz games produced on PCs and consoles over a decade ago it’s very very unlikely Nintendogs would ever have been thought up in the first place. And yes, the Dogz games pre-date Tamagotchi and Pokemon too. In fact, the first instance of a virtual pet was in the mid 1980’s with Activision and David Crane’s seminal Little Computer People:

Nintendogs, 1985

Understandably, Nintendogs is appearing on the newest hardware with the most innovative of controls (assuming you never used Dogz on a pocket PC in the last 10 years) and will obviously look prettier than the original concepts of the design from decades past. So remember the usual N-tard blinkered yelp of “Well, all company X does is nick ideas and make them look pretty on newer hardware” when they attempt to hide their ignorance and bias.

I sincerely hope every gamer in the world proves my prediction wrong. 🙂