Vous êtes une pomme de terre avec le visage d'un cochon d'inde
Vous êtes une pomme de terre avec le visage d’un cochon d’inde

Well, just one more day of work to go before a fortnight of Not Doing Very Much can begin. Some may argue that I’ve spent much of my life performing that particular activity. I would respond at length to those sort of people but, frankly, it sounds like too much effort.

I will be away from Dante, my self-built PC/Media Server (or ‘rig’ if you prefer that term). Dexter, our cat, will somehow have to cope with not pestering anyone for attention at 4am but will have the run of the place to himself. I expect he’ll have seen all the Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women he can stand by the time we return.

I’m travelling light, with most of my holiday gear being transported in shopping bags. I’m confident this will be good practice should I pursue a career as a hobo. I hear it’s a very equal opportunities workplace with as much holiday time as you want but the options for advancement don’t seem to be very, well, advanced.

I’ll miss our glorious opening of the Oylmpics, where the weather will be perfect, Boris won’t act like some spoon-fed buffoon and G4S will have made good – having checked the sofa and found a few thousand security staff they’d forgotten all about.

What could possibly go wrong?

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